


Can you feel my heart?

by its_a_beautiful_deformity



Series: Who said college life wasn't fun? [7]
Category: No. 6 - Asano Atsuko
Genre: Dark Past, M/M, Making out on a couch, Scars, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-08-25
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:35:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7868215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/its_a_beautiful_deformity/pseuds/its_a_beautiful_deformity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nezumi is being dragged further into his dark past and is forced to seek out Ryo's help which complicates things more. This situation however, also affects his and Shion's relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can you feel my heart?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I am soooooo sorry for the dely ! I was on summer vacation and therefore couldn't write. I'd love to hear what you think of the story, it really helps! Thank you again for your patience. So without further ado here is the new part of the series !

Nezumi was lost in his thoughts, they were distracting him form everyday life. A storm of emotions was steering inside him after his meeting with Ryo, threatening to put him on a collision course that would sink him in the depths of despair. He couldn't see a way out of it or anybody that could pull him out, not that he would ever accept help from anyone that is.  
_Nezumi... Nezumi..._ The voice was distant as if it had traveled from a far away land and just now was reaching him. The drama student felt something hit his head and fall between his legs.  
“What the heck....?” he said picking up the twig that had been thrown at him.  
“Ah finally, he speaks! Welcome back! How was your Highness's trip down memory lane? What were you thinking about? Why-”  
“Sssssshhhhhh” Nezumi cut him short throwing back the twig. “Too many questions Shion, you should become a reporter, you'd have a great carrier !” Nezumi chuckled at his own joke while Shion's expression was something between annoyance and embarrassment. Nezumi smiled at him as he leaned back to rest against the tree, enjoying the light spring breeze. They only had a few minutes left before resuming classes and this was one of the few days that their breaks coincided. Shion relaxed a bit seeing Nezumi smile at him but couldn't shake off the feeling that something was on the other man's mind and seemed to trouble him all day. From the moment they met today Nezumi looked out of it. He was never this distracted and even if he was hearing Shion talk he wasn't _listening._ His entire being was urging him to ask more question, to help the other student but he knew that would only agitate him more and drive him away. So Shion decided it was best to keep his mouth shut... for now and enjoy their time together before classes started.  
“So I'll see you tonight then?”  
“Yeah... sure...” Nezumi gave Shion a small smile along with his answer but the white haired student felt angry instead of happy. That was an actor's smile, a fake one, he had had learned the difference by now. Shion did not accept that, not after they had resolved things. Tonight he was getting his answers.

                                                                                          -------

As much as he hated seeing Akira again, this had to be done. The package shifted in it's place inside the pocket of Nezumi's leather jacket. It felt like a heavy burden and Nezumi was now in the role of a carrier dog because that's how he felt. He had to obey, deliver this, bring that back, do this. He detested it. But if he didn't... the consequences were to dire to even think about. Nezumi made his way to the Medical Department of the University, determined to put an end to it. He spotted Akira waiting for him at the end of the corridor, that evil grin spread onto his face making Nezumi feel sick to his stomach. Without saying a word he threw the package with the money in his direction.  
“Oh what a good boy you are Nezumi!” The drama student darted a murderous look at him, his fists were itching to land a blow on him and wipe that stupid grin off his face.  
“Oh look at you showing teeth. Not very kind of you...”  
Nezumi was reaching his limits so he decided it was best to leave before causing any trouble again.  
“Job well done. I'll contact you again if I need you for another... _favour_ like this again.”  
The drama student stopped abruptly in his spot. He turned to face Akira doing his best to hide his astonishment.  
“What the hell do you mean by you'll call again? This was a done deal! A one time thing, don't get ahead of yourself. What a little spoiled prince like you can't do anything by himself?” Nezumi could have sworn he saw a flicker of annoyance in Akira's eyes at his last remark but it disappeared as quickly as it had appeared.  
“I think you are forgetting one small detail here...”  
“And what would that be?”  
“I'm the one in charge here. Unless you want a specif white haired young man to hear a little story about your past. So I'll say this one last time. This is over when _I_ say it's over.” Akira's voice was stern, not a flicker of hesitation. He was a man that knew how to enforce his authority. Nezumi looked at him in sheer surprise, he lowered his head as his shoulders started shaking. The med student eyed him suspiciously, this was not the reaction he had suspected. Nezumi than burst out laughing, holding his stomach for a more dramatic effect and wiping tears from his eyes.  
“Ah ha ha thank you for that! I haven't had a good laugh like that for quite some time! Ha ha ha! How long did you practice in the mirror to get that speech right? Please do tell!”  
If it is one thing that Akira has little tolerance of is being mocked right in the face and having his authority challenged. Closing the gap between them, eyes burning with anger he grabbed Nezumi by the jacket and brought his face close enough that the other could feel his breath on his skin. “Listen here. You do as I say. When I say. Or else things will get messy, I give you my word.” Akira let the other go shoving him away. The grey eyed student straightened his jacket, giving Akira a defined look. He left before the other could say another word. Even though on the surface he seemed to be calm inside of him was a different story. The moment the med student was close to him all he wanted was headbutt him and break his nose. Deep inside, he knew the other was right and hated it. Nezumi needed to find a way out of this and quick before things got out of control, out of the reign of _his_ control, although he feared that it was already too late.  
Time past slowly as Nezumi walked aimlessly around the city trying to get his thoughts straight and figure a way out if this mess. The night carried a light breeze that still smelled of the winter that just had passed causing Nezumi to zip up his black jacket. The cool air against his skin seemed to sooth him of his worries as if it were stealing them away from him and drifting off with them into the night sky. The only thing ruining this moment was the feeling he got that someone was following him. All the years in service of the Yakuza, having to be discrete and noticing ones surroundings had sharpened his senses. First he had to make sure of his suspicions and so made turns and cut corners always in a cautious manner. Unfortunately Nezumi had his suspicions confirmed. Someone was following him although he couldn't turn to see the person's face without giving away the knowledge that he knew he was being watched. Maybe it was one of Takeshi's thugs trying to pry on him. That's when an idea struck him, he would corner the bastard and get all the information he could out of him and if he didn't talk he might just as well beat it out of him. Looking around him, Nezumi saw that there was a small alley up ahead and so slowly made his way towards it, as he got closer he made a sharp turn to the right and entered it running. The pursuer chased after him but when he made it to the alley Nezumi was nowhere to be seen. The man searched for a bit and just as he was about to leave a dark figure throw himself on him and pushed him against the wall knocking all the air from his lungs.  
“Hide and seek is over. Next time Takeshi wants something from me tell him to come himself instead of sending one of his dogs.” Nezumi's voice was dripping venom, his eyes were hard and unforgiving. The man under his grasp was coughing trying to catch his breath. He didn't feel any resistance coming from him which was the exact opposite of what one of Takeshi's man would do.  
“You're always” *coughs* “full of surprises my dear Nezumi.”  
Nezumi's posture immediately relaxed and his eyes softened. He took his hands off the other man and backed slightly back.  
“Ryo... What are you doing here? I thought one of Takeshi's dogs was following me...”  
“I figured as much, next time I'll try a more tactful way and act less like a stalker.” Ryo smiled which lit up his face. Nezumi could feel a tug at his heart. His old friend could still smile like this in spite of everything being done to him.  
“How have you been?” Nezumi tried not to sound too worried.  
“I'm surviving, you know how it is.” Nezumi clenched his jaw, staring Ryo directly in the eyes.  
“Come now, don't make that face. I only told you cause we said we'd always be honest to each other remember?”  
“How did you find me?” Nezumi changed the subject before the atmosphere got any more intense.  
“I know how you think Nezumi, it was more hard sneaking out of the Rabbit Hole and past Takeshi than finding you. You seem worried, what's the matter?”  
The grey eyed man didn't know if the fact that Ryo could find him was a reassurance or an unsettling deed.  
“What are you doing here? Did something happen?”  
“No, I just wanted to see you. Last time we met I might have said some stupid stuff. I wanted to check that we're still ok. And don't avoid my previous question!”  
Nezumi looked away. It was true that their encounter had stirred up long lost feelings but that's were they stayed, in the past.  
“Of course we're ok you idiot... as for you question... Things are not good.”  
“Tell me, I know you don't like asking for help but if there's anything I can do...”  
Nezumi hesitated for a little. He didn't want to drag Ryo into this but maybe he could find out how Akira was connected with the Yakuza.  
“I need to find out how a guy has connections with the Yakuza and more specifically with Takeshi... He is causing some trouble and I need to deal with it quickly. I've tried to gather information from my end but to no avail maybe if you could from your side-”.  
Nezumi kicked himself mentally. What was he saying? From my end, your side? Weren't they always in the same boat together? Ryo doesn't need a constant reminder of his situation and how Nezumi escaped from all of this. As if reading his mind again, Ryo had that property of always being capable of seeing what Nezumi was thinking when he was troubled or embarrassed.  
“Hey, look at me.” Ryo placed his hand under Nezumi's chin lifting it up so their eyes met.  
“Stop beating yourself up about this. We already discussed it. Now tell me this guy's name and what I can do to help. You know that I'll always be by your side.” Ryo's soft smile was always soothing, he tucked a lock of Nezumi's dark hair behind his ear before lowering his hand.  
The dark haired student listened to every word Ryo was saying, payed attention to his every movement. When Ryo touched the side of his head he didn't flinch or move away, he couldn't.  
“His name is Akira. He is a med student at the same university I attend. He has connections with the Yakuza, don't ask how I know this. The less you know the better. The most important thing is that...he knows. He knows about my past and is threatening to expose me. I can't let that happen, I will not let that happen. If _he_ finds out about my past...No If Sh-...”  
Wait what was he saying? He nearly referred to Shion in front of Ryo. His old friend was surprised by all he had heard but he had revealed too much. Nezumi was clenching his fists. Why did he always have to get carried away when it came to Shion?  
Ryo was starting to understand why Nezumi wanted this gone. He never cared about what other people said about him but now it looked like he was trying to keep someone, rather import for him, out of this. He could feel a small pain rising in his chest at that thought but he couldn't act selfish. It was logic that since they parted ways Nezumi might find someone. His feelings though remained the same and he had to keep them hidden, locked up in the deepest depths of his soul. He wanted to say something, almost slipped his tongue and did the last time they met. If Nezumi didn't feel the same way, then why? Why did he smile at him like that, why didn't he back away from his touch? Why did it have to be so damn hard?  
“I'll do the best I can. Lets meet here again in a week. I'll let you in on what I've learned.”  
“Thank you for this Ryo.”  
Ryo gave him a little smile and walked away leaving both of them lost in their thoughts.

                                                                                         -------

“Sorry, I'm late.” Nezumi apologized as he entered Shion's small apartment. “I brought you my famous stew to make it up though.” He grinned at Shion handing him the food as if it was a box fool of treasure. “You can thank me later!”  
“Mmm smells good! You know your way to a man's heart!”  
“I know a lot of things my young padawan.”  
“I'm sure you do Master. Well I guess that settles what movie we'll be watching tonight I guess !”  
It took them half an hour of arguing over which trilogy was better to watch. Nezumi sat on the couch while Shion was on the floor leaning against it. The food had been gone in less than fifteen minutes. Nezumi was right, that stew was to die for. They were towards the end of episode V but Shion had his mind elsewhere. He wanted to ask why Nezumi had been acting strange these days and about that smile earlier today... He didn't want to ruin the night though and so had kept quite but now his curiosity was getting the better of him.  
“Hey Nezumi... You've been acting weird these day. What's going on?”  
Damned be that perception of Shion's! “It's nothing to worry about, I just have a lot of work from uni and the library.”  
Shion turned to face Nezumi, lifting his head to meet his gaze. The movie was still playing in the background but Shion wasn't paying attention to it anymore.  
“Don't lie to me. Today you were out of it and that smile... I know when it's fake Nezumi don't you go giving me that now!”  
The grey eyed had to admit that Shion was sometimes too smart for his own good but it also irked him that he could pick up the slightest changes in him. Was there no way past those red eyes staring at him?  
“Shion! Enough! This isn't anything of concern to you, just drop it.”  
Shion could see this was getting out of hand but if there was something troubling Nezumi he wanted to help him out instead of just sitting on the sidelines not being able to do anything.  
“But-” Shion was cut off abruptly. He hadn't seen Nezumi move so fast and next thing he knew was the drama student's lips against his. Nezumi had come to the edge of the couch and was bending over Shion to kiss him.  
“There, you finally shut up.” Shion was left on the floor temporarily speechless and with a puzzled look in his eyes.  
“Are you trying to distract me with a kiss?”  
“Guilty as charged!”  
Shion couldn't help but laugh. Yes he wanted answers but being with Nezumi like this was something he wanted even more.  
“Well it's working...” Nezumi took the hint and leaned in for another kiss. Their lips crashing together, both of them getting lost in that kiss casting all their troubling thoughts to the side. Nezumi pulled Shion onto the couch without breaking the kiss and got on top of him. Hands moving all over as if trying to map out the shape of each others bodies, the shoulders, the curve of the spine, the face. Seeing wasn't enough Shion placed his hand on Nezumi's head moving to his cheek, it felt warm on his skin, taking in every detail of his face engraving it in his memory. Shion's tongue swept the surface of Nezumi's lips asking for permission which took the other by surprise as he wasn't used to the white haired making such bold moves but he welcomed it nonetheless. Shion tasted sweet, he always did now that Nezumi thought of it. He was becoming addicted to it, his tongue moving along side the others taking him in, wanting more to the point of being greedy. The grey eyed pushed Shion's shirt over his head revealing his pale skin and snake like scar that circled his body. He realized he must have been staring for too long as the body under him sifted. Shion avoided eye contact and Nezumi could see that he felt embarrassed.  
“I-I'm sorry, I just didn't know it went all the way to your body...”  
“I know it's ugly and I would have warned you before If I knew... I'm sorry you had to see this.” Shion made a move to get up but Nezumi grabbed his hands and pushed him back down.  
“Where do you think you're going? Yes I was startled by it but I never said it was ugly... I actually kind of like it...”  
Shion's eyes widened. Now that was the first time he had heard that. All the mocking, the bullying as a kid had made him hate his scar but now someone was saying that they liked it? Had it not been Nezumi he wouldn't have believed them but those grey eyes were not lying to him. Nezumi leaned for another kiss making him instantly forget everything. The red eyed placed his hands on the other's slim waist slowly and hesitant pushing his T-shirt up. He felt Nezumi grin against his lips and stopped at once. The drama student broke the kiss and pulled his T-shirt off. Shion's red eyes took in the sight before him, the toned muscles on a thin but firm body.  
“Enjoying the sight?” Nezumi's voice distracted him.  
“Very much so...”  
A smirk appeared on the dark haired man as he closed the gap between them trailing kisses from Shion's cheeck to his neck following the trail of the scar leaving Shion a trembling mess. As Nezumi's tongued flickered over the pale skin next to a pulse point Shion wrapped his hands around Nezumi. He felt like he was floating and that he needed to hold on to something or he would just be carried away. Both of their growing erections were now pressed against each other and they both were yearning for release. As Shion's hand were traveling up and down on Nezumi's back he felt the the skin under his finger tips was irregular at different parts of it and every time he would pass over one the other would shiver. The red eyed gently pushed Nezumi off him and rested on his elbows.  
“Is everything alright?” Nezumi eyed hip curiously, his voice a bit more hoarse than usual.  
“Nezumi... Are those scars on your back?”  
Nezumi backed away immediately. The fire in his eyes was dying out as he settled in spot next to Shion. No answer came from him. Shion moved with caution next to Nezumi as if he were a wild animal and he didn't want to scare it away but also get bit by it. He got a quick look at the scars before the dark haired student got dressed. He had completely lost control, as it so often happened around Shion, and forgotten about the scars.  
“They look like burn marks but they're far apart from each other and many in number... ”  
“Shion, stop.”  
“Was it an accident when you were a kid? But what could cause such a thing?”  
“Drop it Shion...”  
“Why are you acting so cold? I'm just worried about you!”  
“I don't want to talk about it.”  
And than it hit him. “Nezumi... please don't tell me that it wasn't a what but a _who_ that did this!? Who would do such a thin-”  
“SHION! ENOUGH!” Nezumi's yell pierced the silence shattering it into a million little pieces. He was all flared up and his grey eyes seemed distant. This was the first time Shion felt a spark of anger light in him so big it could burn him alive if it let it consume him. And it was towards the person that did this to Nezumi. His red eyes were sharp as a knife and a tone darker. Nezumi could hardly recognize the person in front of him. There were things he still didn't know about Shion. How ironic.  
“Hey Shion! Snap out of it.”  
“Who-?  
“Don't start Shion. One day I might tell you but not now.” Nezumi took Shion's hand and placed it on his heart. “Can you feel it? We're here now.Let us just be. Can you do that?”  
Shion nodded, he could feel Nezumi's heartbeat under the palm of his hand, it was hypnotizing, there was something raw and beautiful about it. His relationship with Nezumi was far more important to him.  
“You're leaving?” Shion sounded disappointment as he saw Nezumi pack his things.  
“Yes. It looks like you need to sort things out in your head and so do I. We'll talk again. Goodnight Shion.”  
“Goodnight.”  
The door closed behind Nezumi leaving Shion alone in his small room. The only light was coming from the statics of the TV. The movie was over for some time now. The place still carried Nezumi's scent leaving Shion with a hollow feeling inside him. Nezumi reminded him of a character he had read in a book by the name Kvothe, beautiful and mysterious but simultaneously dangerous with a dark past that no one knew about. The thought delighted him but always left him with a bitter taste in his mouth. Shion was resolved to get to know Nezumi's past but most importantly find the one who did this to him. Little though did he know that mingling with things you're not supposed to can get you far worse than just burned.

 


End file.
